There was a HOLE here

•12 January 2011 • Leave a Comment

There’s a hole in my house.
a hole, about the size of a walnut.
Just hanging there in space near my bookshelf
I dont know why.
i first noticed it while i was sitting in my chair watching the news.
Watching the woman with the melted plastic doll face smiling at me as she magically transported us live to the latest exciting hostage situation sponsored by McDonalds and Disneyworld where even more people are smiling.
I watched while bullets zipped like flies and bombs rained down on villages and children died smiling, holding Pepsi cans and wearing shirts with the word Nike on them.
ah, everyone smiles.
I was smiling too, because none of it is real when i am sitting in my chair watching the news.
Then suddenly i noticed it,
The hole.
a perfect circle of nothing about the size of a tennis ball, just hanging there in space near my bookshelf
i dont know how i hadn’t noticed it before,
in this day and age the average person doesn’t notice as much about their surroundings as they used to.
i know this because i read it in a magazine, but this hole was slightly disturbing.
like some black cancer that had popped into my world and started to feed on my smiles.
or like in a dream, where the face of one of your friends starts to twist into a configuration of distorted, impossible terror driven totally insane by what he has just seen behind you.
i began to be frightened of the hole.

At first i wouldn’t go near it, but i had to do something.
i dug through my stacks of magazines sitting in a smoky corner hoping that the freshest faces of Hollywood or the brightest politicians could tell me what clothes I should wear that would help me get rid of holes hanging in space in ones living room.
Middle-class single-mother landscaping techniques, teen beauty secrets painstakingly siphoned from the mysteries of the 5th dimension, herbal remedies for the common cold known only to the pygmy tribes of South Africa and alien visitors with large knowing brains.
but nothing on what to do about a football sized hole.
Perhaps it wasn’t so important, since the faces in the magazine were all smiling…
The aliens were smiling too…
and what could be dangerous in a world were so many people were smiling?
even my friends were smiling when they came to see the hole
at least after a little while.
at first they didn’t smile, when they first saw the hole i remember there was screaming and ripped fingernails.
and blood.
Some of them couldn’t breathe
there eyes looked funny.
but i knew that if i smiled it would all go away
and it did
now all my friends are smiling
because they know none of its real
there is a hole in my living room
it takes up most of the wall
there used to be something behind it but, I cant remember what it was.
and it must not be important because everyone is so happy
inside this hole.
Smiling and smiling and smiling…

Black Static Transmission

•11 July 2010 • 1 Comment

Damp, Mushroom blue dreams.
I am walking through a field of dead grass and oil spills and the sky is on fire.
everything is blue in this world.
I can feel my breath, like an iron lung in a dying machine.
I feel the shot. blowing through me. one determined flash and it is gone.
Everything is blue. memories of a life SCREAM DOWN THE CORRIDOR
and I am alone with my minds whispers.
too fast to hear, but just right to feel.
the beat of the world kicks in, the machines have all but stopped, grinding and moving, like shattered skeletons in the distance.
I pass my old school in the night, but its the memory of a school, nothing remains but a shell and a dream. there is a concert of the damned, no one watching and no one playing, the billboards are all leering and the flags are all still.
I am not alone here – the sky rumbles with the words I once spoke, but they are all hollow men now, ash and smoke cloud the horizon
and I still walk through this field, the sky’s glow guides me to the stage.
I walk through the black puddles, reflecting above, or below.
I don’t see myself.
I feel myself.
everything is covered in oil and pain.
the world grows still until I SING.
SING.
no words, only DESTRUCTION
then we all fall down rats alley.
I am alone again.
wading through the end
My breath like an iron lung, trapped in a dying machine.
and it starts again.

Only this time its worse. it is thinner.
go too far and you fall, everything is blue.
the whispers are warnings, telling me to turn my back on the stage
but I need to hear them clearer. so I sing to everything around them.
those who hear my true voice perish.
maybe next time they will be clearer,
maybe i will know why i am not to sing
maybe i can get them all back
Everything is blue in this world. a deeper shade of mushroom blue.

Liars Steal Dreams

•27 June 2010 • Leave a Comment

People’s sound systems and kitchen’s go insane

it works like a virus through a class but instead of a class, its a neighborhood.

The speakers shriek and emit vibrations that hurts the ears

TVs flash at the spectrum to induce seizure

refrigerators get hotter than the air outside

washing machines never quit and shit gets annoyingly lost
-garbled sound, mangled machinery fingernails on the chalkboard type stuff.

Blenders oddly enough worked better than ever…

oh yea never trust the microwave, its the master chief head of kitchen security

so people chill outside and eat the squirrels, and like mad max and the thunderdome the outdoor bar is on the canary dirt path.

But oh shit 28 days later the connections to all the houses is switched from wireless to hard line to become singular

post apocalypse rebels fight towards the houses that physically have changed,

go to take out home PC in biggest house, when mission accomplished nothing happens

light cigarette, sit down, see Cartman’s trapper keeper under the desk creating singularity between all of the machines.

Call out RIIICK!!!

Rick I found the brain!

You turn and see red, he says mpprgh Goddamn Danny you took too much acid mpprgh, you know the internet has no core mmprgh

at that point you realize the internet is skynet, cell phones are the branding and the last sign before the end of the apocalypse, the italics was how rick sounded with the speaking machine, and 2012 is next year.

The Disintegration of Daniel

•25 June 2010 • 1 Comment

I don’t fear death anymore…
i did when i was little, always the thought of it, my dumb adolescent mind would think of suicide as a “Fuck You” at first, but the more i thought of it, the more i would reject the idea of dying, and the more i though about what it would do to the people i cared about, and how, in a few years, it wouldn’t leave this big scar on the earth, i would just be another statistic… Its a selfish persons thing.
Fast Forward a couple of years and i got into psychoactive drugs – i enjoyed the inner space, the self exploration of it all and i got into it quite heavily… not realizing i was sinking further into psychosis at the time, i was having fun. my creativity was better, everything was amazing… and i still went deeper…i started to think i could read minds in a way…

okay, it wasn’t really reading minds, more like, i could read their patterns, i could see how they would react according to their personalities, and i could know their personalities as soon as i seen any reaction. i started to map out how days would unfold with the people around me, how things would turn out in their relationships, their travels, everything. i could see everything before it would happen and i could alter it, slight changes at first, but the more i learned, the more i travelled inwards, the more i thought i understood this gift, and the more i could affect the world around me, and i started to become quite narcissistic about it. i could “program” people into wanting/respecting me, i took over peoples houses and i became the centre of reality. but i wanted more, i wanted it to expand, but i would need to go further inwards, need to increase my knowledge gained from this forgotten part of the mind, so i done more and more and i got better at it. but it was no good….i started to hate the puppets around me, i could see what they liked, wanted, i would know how selfish and ignorant they were, and i hated them all for it. so i started to sabotage their lives, while indulging in whatever i wanted at the time. i used to go out with people and just think. people would bring me stuff when i wanted it, i remember clearly one day at a barbeque, i was sitting at the table with the alpha girl on my lap, a real mean bitch she was, all the girls we knew feared her, but followed her and she could fuck like an animal, and that was the basis of our “relationship” there was no trust, no feelings, just fighting and fucking. and that suited me fine. and at this barbeque, if i wanted a drink, or someone to roll, they would just do it, and i felt like a king.
it summed up about a year of my life. i was king, there was no them, only me and my puppets.
and i still went deeper
after a while of this. i started to play with my toys until i broke them all, i couldn’t help it, the power that i had, this self indulgent attitude i had craved for me to hate them more.
i was disgusted with them, mindless sheep, not knowing how easy it was to destroy what i want and keep what i want. and i was still thinking, always thinking about them, the fucking petty little animals, and i would zone out and just watch them, i would watch them all night, partying around me, the mask that i was wearing was smiling and subverting everything, playing it out with no effort at all while my mind made plans. i loved it, i loved the control, reality was mine to do with as i saw fit and nobody could even see the real me, trapped inside my smiling mask.

But i could. eventually i noticed i couldn’t stop it playing with them, i had became so accustomed to watching, planning, thinking, i never even noticed myself trapped behind my own eyes. and all i could do was panic. i couldn’t stop myself from smiling at them, these people that i hated so much, they couldn’t see me. only the outside, i lost control of myself, and my body felt like a separate entity wrapped around me, trapped behind my own eyes i watched as i played with them, turning people against people, making people so obsessed with me they would act crazy
girls would sit outside my door, they would constantly phone me, they would tear each other apart, just to get a piece of me.
and i felt nothing, my body enjoyed this feeling while my mind tried so hard to regain control. but it was all powerful, it was invincible, it never showed pain, i would fuck and fight regardless of who and why, it would start fights just for the rush, just to fit it into some plan, to make someone seem like the bad guy, i was stabbed, i was bricked i was scarred, but it still kept smiling around me, i could feel it. i could feel the immense power engulfing me, i was trapped in the mind of this horrible machine, and the machine was absorbing me more and more. it would feed me drugs, keep me inwards and thinking, always thinking. only when we were alone i could speak, only then could i struggle against it.
and one night i done it. one night lying in my bed on some drug, i spoke to it, i screamed and beat at the walls of my mind, staring at the closed lids of my eyes, i could feel it smiling, planning, i didnt ever do that anymore, i spoke to it, and it spoke back.
it told me i was dying and the power was a test – it told me i chose which side of the glass i would be on. it told me i was tricked.

i was 22 years old when i died.
i went into ventricular fibrillation at 1am and i knew it was happening
i heard myself scream and i can remember my mother and father rushing into the room, my mother talking to me, telling me its gonna be okay, it’ll be okay baby. my dad phoned the ambulance
i could feel myself slipping into death and i was still thinking, always thinking. i was alone now, i felt nothing and i knew it, i knew what had taken me, i knew why it was happening, i knew which tiny electrical impulse in my body had made it happen.
the cosmos, reality, everything around me i knew intimately, i was exempt from the scale of it all, everything big and small, spanning eternities, infinities
i knew it all
i knew i would die
and i accepted it.
i stopped screaming, i stopped thinking, i took a breath and waited for it to come. waited for the grand nothing and i smiled.
i didn’t fear death, i knew what would happen when i died
i knew how realities are formed.

your consciousness is less than a cell. it is below a quark, it is in everything around us, everything inside us. but only we ARE them, the ones that are awake are consciousness, we are the 1s to the universes 0s
the way for the universe to know itself.
and when you die, it loses its connection to reality, the life you live, the knowledge you gained while the particle was awake becomes all you are, and all you can do is think, always thinking.
if you were creative, and had eternity to think, you could fashion a life out of memories, a life out of lives you have lived. and if your reality you create becomes real enough to you, you might trick yourself into thinking it was real. you have parents, you have memories, you lived for 22 years and you are still alive to this day.
but while you trick youself into thinking that. try thinking inwardly. try finding your consciousness inside your body, i am still trapped behind my eyes. and so are you.
crazy people do talk to themselves, they talk to the part that knows this is all nothing, they talk to the part that knows you should crave and indulge yourself in whatever you want. because through experience, when you go back to nothing and become only him, those memories fashion your own world.
i woke up in hospital with my family around me. no longer feeling trapped, but no longer feeling power. i understood it all but was too afraid to let go, too afraid to fashion my own reality from within my consciousness. what if i never knew enough? what if i ended up in nothing and all i could do was scream inside myself for eternity? that would be hell, and i wanted heaven.
i chose which side of the glass to be on, and i woke up on it. living my life at 24 now, two years on from my “breakdown”…two years from my “death”

sometimes i feel sad, i became a god for 3 minutes and then i crashed back down to the creature i am today. every day is monotonous and grey, and i am afraid. for a while after, when i was falling asleep, i would startle myself awake, feeling like i was falling outside my body. so i think dreaming is a temporary way there. but i was afraid to go there. using the old quote…i was afraid to “break on through to the other side”
so i live my life knowing what will happen when its over.
too scared to be a god, too bored without the power.
if my time comes, i will accept it. i obviously fashioned my death that way so it must be my time. and i’ll be fine.
so im not gonna kill myself, that other self will just have to wait, because that wont happen ever, i will die when i die.
i dont know why i started this really, seemed like the right time so i thought i would post it here, and i have kept it all inside for years. just felt like typing out my story really…

A Special Plan

•16 March 2010 • 2 Comments

when everyone you have ever loved is finally gone
when everything you have ever wanted is finally done with
when all of your nightmares are for a time obscured
as by a shining brainless beacon
or a blinding eclipse of the many terrible shapes of this world
when you are calm and joyful
and finally entirely alone
then in a great new darkness
you will finally execute your special plan

one needs to have a plan someone said who was turned away into the shadows
and who i had believed was sleeping or dead
imagine he said all the flesh that is eaten
the teeth tearing into it
the tongue tasting its savor
and the hunger for that taste
now take away that flesh he said
take away the teeth and the tongue
the taste and the hunger
take away everything as it is
that was my plan
my own special plan for this world
i listened to these words and yet i did not wonder
if this creature whom i had thought sleeping or dead would ever approach his vision
even in his deepest dreams
or his most lasting death
because i had heard of such plans such visions
and i knew they did not see far enough
but what was demanded in a way of a plan
needed to go beyond tongue and teeth and hunger and flesh
beyond the bones and the very dust of bones and the wind that would come to blow the dust away
and so i began to envision a darkness that was long before the dark of night
and a strangely shining light
that owed nothing to the light of day

that day may seem like other days
once more we feel the tiny legged trepidations
once more we are mangled by a great grinding fear
but that day willhave no others after
no more worlds like this will follow
because i have a plan
a very special plan
no more worlds like this
no more days like that

there are but four ways to die a sardonic spirit might have said to me
there is dying that occurs relatively suddenly
there is dying that occurs relatively gradually
there is dying that occurs relatively painlessly
there is the death that is full of pain
thus by various means they are combined
the sudden and the gradual
the painless and the painful
to yield but four ways to die
and there are no others
even after the voice stopped speaking
I listened for it to speak again
after hours and day and years have passed
I listened for some further words
yet all I heard were the faintest echoes reminding me
there are no others
there are no others
was it then that I began to conceive for this world
a special plan?

there are no means for escaping this world
it penetrates even into your sleep
and is his substance
you are caught in your own dreaming
where there is no space
and a hell forever where there is no time
you cant do nothing you aren’t told to do
there is no hope for escape from this dream
that was never yours
the very words you speak are only its very words
and you talk like a traitor
under its incessant torture

there are many who have designs upon this world
and dream of wild and vast reformations
i have heard them talking in their sleep
of elegant mutations
and cunning annihilations
i have heard them whispering in the corners of crooked houses
and in the alleys and narrow back streets of this crooked creaking universe
which they with their new designs were made straight and sound
but each of these new and ill conceived designs
is deranged in its heart
for they see this world as if it were alone and original
and not as only one of count with others
whose nightmares all precede
like a hideous garden grown from a single seed
i have heard these dreamers talking in their sleep
and i stand waiting for them
as at the top of a darkened flight of stairs
they know nothing of me
and none of the secrets of my special plan
while i know every crooked creaking step of theirs

it was the voice of someone who was waiting in the shadows
who was looking at the moon and waiting for me to turn the corner
and enter a narrow street
and stand with him in the dull glaze of moonlight
then he said to me
he whispered
that my plan was misconceived
that my special plan for this world was a terrible mistake
because, he said, there is nothing to do and there is no where to go
there is nothing to be and there is no one to know
your plan is a mistake,he repeated
this world is a mistake, i replied

the children always followed him
when they saw him hopping by
a funny walk
a funny man
a funny funny funny man
he made them laugh sometimes
he made them laugh oh yes he did
he did he did he did he did
oh how he made them roll
one day he took them to a place
he knew a special place
and told them things about this world
this funny funny funny world
which made them laugh sometimes
he made them laugh oh yes he did
he did he did he did he did
oh how he made them roll
then the funny man who made them laugh
sometimes he did
revealed to them his special plan
his very special funny plan
knowing they would understand
and maybe laugh sometimes
he made them laugh
oh yes he did
he did he did he did he did
their eyes grew wide beneath there lids
and how he made them roll

i first learned the facts from a lunatic
in a dark and quiet room that smelled of stale time and space
there are no people
nothing at all like that
the human phenomenon is but the sum of densely coiled layers of illusion
each of which winds itself upon the supreme insanity
but there are persons of any kind
when all that can be is mindless mirrors
laughing and screaming as they parade about
in an endless dream
but when i asked the lunatic what it was
it swore itself within these mirrors
as they marched endlessly in stale time and space
he only looked and smiled
then he laughed and screamed
and in his black and empty eyes
i saw for a moment as in a mirror
a form the shade of divinity
in flight from its stale infinity
oftime and space and the worst of all
of this world dreams
my special plan for the laughter
and the screams

we went to see some little show
that was staged in an old shed
past the edge of town
and in its beginnings all seemed well
the miniature curtain stage glowed in the darkness
while those dolls bounced along on their strings before our eyes
and in its beginnings all seemed well
but then there came a suttle turning point which some have noticed
and i was one
who quietly left the show
no i did not
because i could see where things were going
as the antics of those dolls grew strange
and the fragile strings grew taut
with their tiny pullings ,tiny limbs
the others around me became appalled
and turned away and abandoned the show
that was staged in an old shed
past the edge of town
but i wanted to witness what could never be
i wanted to see what could not be seen
but the moment of consummate disaster
my puppets turned to face the puppet master

it was twilight and i stood in a grayish haze of the vast empty building
when the silence was enriched by a reverberant voice
all the things of this world it said
are of but one essence
for which there are no words
this is the greater part which has no beginning or end
and the one essence of this world for which there can be no words
is that all the things of this world
this is the lesser part which had a beginning and shall have an end
and for which words were conceived solely to speak of
the tiny broken beings of this world it said
the beginnings and endings of this world it said
for which words were conceived solely to speak of
now remove these words and what remains it asks me
as i stood in the twilight of that vast empty building
but i did not answer
the question echoed over and over
but i remained silent until the echoes died
and as twilight passed into the evening i felt my
special plan for which there are no words
moving towards a greater darkness

there are some who have no voices
or none that will ever speak
because of the things they know about this world
and the things they feel about this world
because the thoughts that fill a brain
that is a damaged brain
because the pain that fills a body
that is a damaged body
exists in other worlds
countless other worlds
each of which stands alone in an infinite empty blackness
for which no words are being conceived
and whereno voices are able to speak
when a brain is filled only with damaged thoughts
when a damaged body is filled only with pain
and stands alone in a world surrounded by infinite empty blackness
and exists in a world for which there is no special plan

when everyone you have ever loved is finally gone
when everything you have ever wanted is finally done with
when all of your nightmares are for a time obscured
as by a shining brainless beacon
or a blinding eclipse of the many terrible shapes of this world
when you are calm and joyful
and finally entirely alone
then in a great new darkness
you will finally execute your special plan

A Dark Game

•2 March 2010 • Leave a Comment

What You Need:-
10 people
9 Rabbits cards
1 Wolf Card

How To Play:-
The cards are picked at random, and no one should EVER see you card.
You must Find the wolf before you all die except the Wolf
Or
You must hide the fact that you are the Wolf, or you die.

One Man Hide & Seek

•28 February 2010 • Leave a Comment

Introduction:

The one-man hide and seek, aka the one-man tag, is a ritual for contacting the dead.The spirits which are wandering restless on the earth are always looking for bodies to possess. In this ritual you summon such a spirit by offering it a doll instead of a human body.Warning: If you have psychic abilities you may feel unwell or be prone to accidents during the ritual.

Things you need:

+ A Stuffed Doll with limbs
+ Some Rice (enough to stuff the doll full)
+ A Needle and a Crimson Thread
+ A Sharp-Edged Tool (such as a Knife, a Glass Shard, or Scissors)
+ A Cupful of Salt (natural salt would be best)
+ A Hiding Place (preferably a room purified by incense and ofuda)

———————————————
Preparation:

1. Take all the cotton (or whatever it is stuffed with) out of the doll, and stuff it instead with rice*1.
2. Clip a bit of your nails and put them inside the doll, and sew the opening up with the crimson thread. When you finish sewing, tie up the doll with the rest of the thread *2.
3. Pour water into a bathtub.
4. Place a cup of salt water inside the hiding place.

———————————————–
How To Do It:

1.Give a name to the doll (the name could be anything but your own)
2.When it is 3 am, say to the doll “__(your name) is the first it,” three times.
3.Go to the bathroom and put the doll into the water-filled bathtub.
4.Turn off all lights in the house, go back to the hiding place and switch on the TV.
5.When you have counted ten with your eyes closed, go back to the bathroom with the edged tool (a knife, etc) in your hand.
6.When you get there, say to the doll ,”I have found you, __(the doll’s name),” and stab the doll with the edged tool*3.
7. Say “You are the next it, __(the doll’s name),” as you put the doll back in its place.
8.As soon as you have put the doll down, run back to the hiding place and hide.

——————————————
How To Finish It:

1. Pour half the cup of salt water into your mouth (don’t drink it; keep it there)*4 and get out of the hiding place and start looking for the doll. The doll is not necessarily in the bathroom. Whatever happens don’t spit out the salt water.
2. When you find the doll, pour the rest of the salt water which is left in the cup over it, and then spray the salt water in your mouth over it as well.
3. Say “I win,” three times.

This supposed to end the ritual.
After this make sure you dry the doll, burn and discard it later.

MOST IMPORTANT
Please don’t stop this ritual halfway. You must do it through to the end.
This is a dangerous ritual and I will not be responsible for what happens to you if you try.

———————————————
Other things to keep in mind:
+Don’t go out of the house until you have done the finishing ritual.
+You must turn off all lights.
+Keep quiet while hiding.
+You don’t need to put the salt water in your mouth all the time. You only need to do it during the finishing ritual.
+Remember, if you are living with someone you might put them in danger too.
+Don’t continue this ritual for more than one or two hours.
+For safety reasons, it might be best to keep all the doors in the house unlocked (including your front door) and have some friends close by so that they can come and help you at a moment’s noice, if you ever need them. Keeping a mobile close at hand would be a good idea too.

———————————————
NOTES:
*1 – the rice represents innards and also has the role of attracting spirits.
*2 – the crimson thread represents a blood vessel. It seals the spirit(s) up inside the doll.
*3 – by cutting the thread off, you break the seal and release the spirit(s) you have trapped.
*4 – if you go out of the hiding place without salt water, you might encounter “something wandering around” in your house which might harm you in some way. Apparently the way to feel the presence of the “something wandering around” is to watch “what happens to the TV.”

——————————————–
The video clip below apparently shows the changes seen to the TV after 40 mins into the ritual. Nothing really happens but it gives you some ideas anyway.You can hear the changes in the sound;it becomes unsteady, repeats itself like a broken record, and gets warped towards the end.

 
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